Monday, November 27, 2006

A sure-fire way to get my kids' attention...

...go to the bathroom.

I rarely get to go to the restroom in peace. I know this may be too much information for some, but those people with children can surely relate.

When all the big kids are at school, Landon has to accompany me on my trips to the loo, asking questions and analyzing every move. When the big kids are home I have to schedule any bathroom trips for when they are all busy doing something.

I will canvass the house, verify everyone's whereabouts and make sure they are engaged, and then sneak unnoticed into my restroom. Invariably, as soon as I sit, there will be a blood curdling scream for "MOM!" Or, some question from an older child that could have waited.

Tonight I made dinner, handed out dessert, got the girls started on cleaning the kitchen, had Hayden working diligently on his homework and Landon "writing" his name nearby. Surely all of this business could buy me a few minutes alone in the john.


As soon as I shut the door and settled in, the Great Mom Hunt began along with my own search party of five, just outside my door.

Hayden: "Mom! I have to go to the bathroom! Hurry up!" (Mind you, we have four other bathrooms.)

Landon: "Mommy I hab 'nuther bownie?" (May I have another brownie?)

Reagan: "MOM! Can I take spaghettio's for lunch instead of a sandwich? I took a sandwich today and I really want spaghettio's tomorrow."

Keaton: "Mom, I want to take my lunch too. Do I have to take a sandwich or can I have spaghettio's like Reagan?"

Sutton (Yelling from upstairs.): "What's the password for my registration? I have to do it NOW!"

I'm not even writing out all the arguments that occurred over brownies, spaghettio's and sandwiches while I was otherwise occupied.

So finally, like any good-natured, patient mother I screamed,"I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM!! GO AWAY!! I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE!"

I could hear Reagan say dejectedly, "Come on guys, let's go in the kitchen."

Everyone left but Hayden who was too busy doing the "potty dance" outside my door. I had no choice but to stop what I was doing and turn over the bathroom to him. I'm not risking an accident from a five year old on top of everything else.

So my attempts at restroom alone time were foiled once again. I'll just wait until they go to bed, that's only a few hours away. Or better yet, I should probably not count on peaceful potty time for 18 more years. By then I'll be so old that I can just throw on my Depends and go a-knockin'...on each of my children's doors. Hopefully, I'll catch one or two in the bathroom.

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