Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I visited my nemesis ob/gyn today














It's been 17 months since I saw him. I know, I'm bad, but hear me out.

First there's the urine sample (Nothing like aiming for a thimble-sized cup you pray you don't drop).

Then there's the flimsy paper gown that I always sweat through (So it sticks to all my parts.)

They weigh me...after I remove my jacket, my shoes, ALL my jewelry, and I suck in and think light. (Horrible.)

They poke me; they prod me..."Just a little pressure, Devin." (Humiliating.)

They check places I've never been checked before; another lovely benefit of turning 40. (Horrible AND humiliating.)

Then there are the questions:
birth control?
fiber?
calcium?
Are you STILL breastfeeding?
mammogram?
more children?

Finally, there are the comments:
You look...good.
Your weight is fine; your not OVERweight...remember, you're tall.
Sagging is simply a part of aging.
You breastfeed a LONG time.
Having six babies is rough on a body.
Some parts will just never be the same again.

Yeah, good times. Let me go ahead and schedule my NEXT appointment!

Not.

9 comments:

Helen said...

I have mine scheduled for Friday morning, exactly 365 days from my last exam. I can't wait to get VIOLATED!!!..........so I can come home, shower again, redress, and get in bed in the fetal position.

Natalie said...

OH Devin!

That sounds terrible. I'm not a fan of that seperator thingy. I don't even know what it looks like because I'm too scared to look. (I'm not squeamish about anything else!)

I have to say though, from looking at your pics over the last few years, I hope that I look as good as you do at 40!!

I always think that I might wish for skinnier thighs or perkier boobs but I have fabulous hair, lovely eyes and a dazzling smile (You do too I might add!) and I can cover up those tiny flaws below the neck anyway.

Plus, what I see as thunder thighs my husband sees as curvy.

go figure?

I just have a hot chocolate and read a book after "those" appointments.

Anonymous said...

With 6 kids, I can't imagine the number of times you've had to endure this....God Bless You!
Libby

Andrea said...

Aww, sorry for the bummer day. I hate doctors.

They should hand out chocolate when you leave- Or something. No chocolate, definitely chocolate.

Gina said...

1.) EVERYONE pees ON the cup and Helen can vouch for me.

2.) I KNOW those docs at your office can afford cloth gowns!!

3.) I do the same thing..and why can't they weigh you AFTER you pee in a cup??

4.) ...and if they don't warm that speculum or their hands don't you wanna come off that table??

5.) Ummm, not 40 yet (close enuf) and NOT looking forward to it!!

But you had definitely schedule your mammo or as your sister I will drag you there myself! If you got any thinner we would never be able to find you...and as for the sagging...BOOB JOB!!! (wink!)

Annikke said...

You make me laugh! I haven't been in a while either and I know deep down I need to go, but just don't wanna! :o(

Devin said...

Okay, so the consensus is chocolate? I can SO do that.

Gina, too, too funny:-)

Nikke, get your booty to the doctor! It was gross but...you know.

Natalie, what is UP my Aussie friend?! Your new blog title has me um, curious!

Helen, yep, "fetal position" about covers it.

MKHKKH said...

LOL!! I HATE they OB/GYN. I haven't even scheduled my check up and don't plan to for a long time.

At least with the tubal I won't get that question or the more kids one! LOL
They should pat you on the back for breast feeding, not ridicule you. Hey I need a boob job too. Maybe we can find a buy one get one half deal and split the difference:)

Devin said...

Katie, sign me up! I'll need to add a side of lipo to my order so I may owe a little more. LOL!