Monday, January 07, 2008

Livin' large

I fret over a lot of things that aren't really very important in the grand scheme of things. For example, it's important to me to have my family's clothes ironed in the morning before they head out to school, work or play. I must fix hair for children #3, #4 and #5 each morning unless #5 convinces me he will look better with a cap. I require of myself to get dressed (makeup and all) each day even though I'm usually going no further than the mail box and will be seen by no one. I do these things and many other seemingly ridiculous tasks because I think they're important enough for me to be concerned about (and, admittedly, I'm just a little bit strange).

I am also currently fretting, and fretting feverishly, over the fact that I haven't lost the rest of this baby weight. I still have 10-15 pounds to go and it seems to be stuck, literally stuck to my butt and thighs and is refusing to budge.

Honestly, I haven't really dieted the way I probably should because a) I'm still nursing, b) I've been tied to this chair for eight months, and c) I'm just so dadgum hungry all the time and I can't say no!

I have been the same weight for seven of this baby's eight months and I think that's strange. If I exercise for weeks, no change. If I pig out for weeks, no change. At Christmas I unapologetically tasted every food item that came in my door, no change. And what is even more frustrating for me now is that we have been following the Daniel Fast for the past seven days, a 10 day challenge to the entire congregation at the church we attend. The first day I lost six lbs of water weight. I was so excited! Day 2, nothing more. Day three, nothing more. Days four-seven, zilch, nadda; not a single pound has budged since day 1.

So now I am convinced it's time to get my priorities in order. I know this fast has many other important benefits, true benefits in my life other than just reducing my butt size. I completely believe this to be true, and praise God I am literally seeing the blessings flow. I know that my baby's health FAR outweighs this hefty streak of vanity I'm sporting at this point in my life and I need to just get a grip. I know these last pounds will eventually be lost because I refuse to succumb to the, "Oh, honey, get used to it. At your age pounds just seem to creep on and they'll never leave" crapolla I am hearing way too often.

I will lose this weight. I must be more patient, though, about losing it. I will quit being so critical of myself and realize that I have lost baby weight five times before and I will do it again. It may take me a few months longer due to my "advanced age," but I'll do it. Because really, what does it matter? I must focus my energy on the important issues in my life and realize that my weight isn't a health concern, it's an ego concern, and there are many other places my frustrated energy should go.

Besides, there are clothes to iron and hair to fix, and closets with garments hung in the wrong direction in desperate need of my attention.

I'm a little chunky and a little weird...and it's okay.


Gina said...

Dear Sister,
I don't know if it helps but all three of us think the same of ourselves and we all think that we need to lose just a few more from your sister-who would NOT lie to you- you are SO NOT CHUNKY However,I do understand your obsession and fret as you do of the "extra" pounds that seem "stuck" where they hadn't "stuck" before.
...and really? 10-15 pounds?? Lil Peyton will be able to wrap her arms around you twice!

Miss Millie said...

I love, love, love this post. I want to applaud you for getting dressed makeup and all every day. Seriously, I think my husband might take me on a date if I did that! Bless you for your amazing attitude! Good luck with those 15 pounds... I got 30!!

AZMom said...

Oh gosh..if it is the weekend and I have no where to be, I'm lucky if I run a brush through my hair after I get out of the shower. LOL Good for you for getting yourself ready every day though!

I hear ya on the weight thing. I am trying to lose about 5-10lbs that have not come off since my hyster surgery in July. It's a slow process but I can feel my clothes getting loser so at least I am trying!

jubilee said...

It IS okay, and you're not so weird. Promise.