Please pass the Clearasil...oh, and my wig

One of the really great benefits of pregnancy for many women is lush, thick hair. With my own pregnancies, not only was the hair growing at at higher rate, but I didn't shed hair like I normally had pre-pregnancy. We can thank the influx of estrogen for that little perk.

Likewise, some women are blessed with the beautiful pregnancy "glow." I never felt like I glowed, or even flickered for that matter, but I guess I had my moments.

Then for many moms once their little one is born, their previously glowing complexion becomes quite prone to breakouts and much of that luscious hair begins to shed. The sudden changes are really quite cruel once you factor in the extra weight we're sporting, the life-altering sleep deprivation, and the raging hormones.

With this last pregnancy, I was thrilled that for six months postpartum I had clear skin and virtually no hair shedding. Normally, this is not the case. My hairdresser complimented me repeatedly on the condition of my hair and I was able to do without my usual dollops of cover-up on my chin (and jawline and forehead and...). I began to think that maybe this time I had finally dodged the "ugly bullet" and I could just sashay on to my baby's first birthday looking halfway decent.

Boy was I wrong.

I guess part of being old now is that I do everything slower. My body waited until exactly six months and one day postpartum and then rebelled with all the fury and fervor it could muster.

My skin looks like I am a teenager again, only this time with wrinkles...actually a stressed out teen who had a weekend full of chocolate and greasy food. My hair is falling out in clumps and chunks. I find it everywhere--in the sink, on the carpet, in the shower--and my family is so sick of finding it in their food that I've been asked to don a hairnet.

So here I sit, still tired and still fat and now ugly and balding. I not only need my Spanx for the unsightly bumps and bulges, now I need hair extensions for my bald spots and a caulking gun to cover up these ginormous pimples.

I'm hoping for some relief soon, as unfortunately my need for a ski mask and a comb-over are embarrassingly imminent.