The fine line between too big and too little

I have to make a decision every morning, a decision most people take for granted, yet I ponder and worry about it from the moment I awake. I routinely ask: Do I dare attempt it and take the chance, or should I just leave it for another day? How long can I truly wait before people begin to notice, to whisper behind my back and glance at me with disparaging eyes? This decision that rules my mornings, causes me such trepidation and hinges on the whims of others, is this:

Do I bathe today or not?

I know. It's gross. But it's a real concern for me. It's not that I don't have the time, I do. It's not that I don't have the resources, I have those too. The true problem is that I have...a three-year-old.

This boy toddler we'll call...oh, I don't know...Landon, forces me to alter my beauty routine to the point that I'm a little, well, skanky some days because I must supervise him at all times rather than bathe. I've always taken him with me into the bathroom while I shower. I've kept him occupied by talking with him, giving him little jobs, and singing songs. It's not been an issue until recently; he's gotten too big, he notices things.

So I thought today, since I was extra stinky and I could not do another "ponytail day," he might do well in another room while I showered. Peyton was asleep in her chair in the living room, Landon was watching Max and Ruby, and the shower water was running and warm. I allotted myself five minutes (a true challenge) to get all the important parts clean. However, right before I stepped in the shower, I decided to peek in on Landon. GASP! He was IN the chair with Peyton, slamming bouncing her head against the back, having just woken her up. He's simply too small to be in there; I cannot leave him alone with her. I squealed, scooped them both up and deposited them in the bathroom with me.

I stepped into the shower and he immediately pressed his little smiling face against the glass. Here's when I realized he's too big to watch Mommy shower.

"Mommy, you don't have a tinkle!" (What he calls his, well...you know.)

"Mommy, you have big boobs!" (Not really, but I am nursing so I am more, er, ample. And who taught him the word "boob" anyway?)

"Want me to help you?" (Um, NO!)

And other comments I'm just too embarassed to share. (As if the above remarks weren't bad enough.)

Do you see my quandary? Do I take him in the bathroom with me and be forced to discuss male/female anatomy, or do I leave him alone to roam the house and "fish" in the fish tank, "bathe" Keaton's pet turtle, glue papers to our counters and climb inside the refrigerator. (All activities he's done the past few days.)

I guess the only answer is to just stay with him every second of every day and not take any chances. Bathing is overrated anyway. I hear skank is "in."